


Shattered Masks

by Aston (AstonT)



Series: Character Studies [8]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character Study, Child Abandonment, Child Neglect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-07 08:33:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12837357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AstonT/pseuds/Aston
Summary: Kageyama has always been alone - it's become sort of a safe haven, except with Karasuno? Alone isn't allowed, apparently.





	Shattered Masks

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for my rp group friends!  
> This was based off a headcanon that Trev, our Oikawa, threw out in the ooc channel!   
> I sent the story in a google document to King (Light), our Kageyama, per request when I finished it and am now posting it here and on tumblr!  
> I hope you enjoy!
> 
> (Also, we're still looking for members for our rp group, if you're interested check out [the tumblr blog](https://haikyuu-discord-rp.tumblr.com/)!

It's almost funny, looking back. He couldn't actually remember a time where he wasn't alone.

Sure, he had pictures where both of his parents were there but even those stopped when he was still a young child. 

It had never seemed weird, honestly - it wasn't like he had any friends as a kid, there was no way for him to learn that it wasn't normal to be alone so much. 

And so, when his parents were there, he was clingy - being alone was horrible and absolutely terrified him, so he refused to allow it when his parents were home. 

Over the course of his elementary school years, they just… stopped being home so often. 

They stopped coming back. 

It forced him to learn to fend for himself, and it taught him to be careful who he let get close. 

After all, after so long being alone, relying on someone else was just as terrifying as having no one was. 

The evil you know, he supposed, was better than the one you didn't. 

* * *

Junior high brought along the chance for friends - it brought along a fiery passion for volleyball, a way to socialize, and a way to not be alone. 

He trusted those on his team, he didn't feel alone around them. 

It felt normal, and threw his childhood into a harsh light the longer he spent around people, heard them talk about their parents or siblings. 

Because he didn't have that. And everyone else did. 

With that revelation came the sharp pain of being totally alone - even if he were around people, he was alone. He was the only one who couldn't relate, whose stories were limited and boring and cold. 

It hurt less to change then - he was alone, had always been, so why not act in a way to keep people out?

* * *

By his final year of junior high, he had it perfect - he was cold and bossy and it kept people from getting close only to see how broken he truly was inside. 

Besides, if people avoided being around him, he could never grow attached. He couldn't get hurt when they inevitably left him behind for being so problematic. 

He was safe this way, and that's the only thing that mattered at the end of the day. 

Volleyball had become his only lifeline - it gave him something to be passionate about and kept him away from home. 

He could live with that. 

* * *

And so arriving at Karasuno, he hadn't expected everything to immediately shatter before the first practice - Hinata Shouyou had only served to be an annoyance, and now here he was having to learn to be nice with someone when he really didn't want to. 

But it was that or lose his lifeline. He couldn't handle that. 

And besides, it was just for on the court. He could play nice and just ignore everyone outside of games and practice, no big deal.

He could still be the King, as much as he hated that nickname. 

He could be King, and he could keep his distance and he'd never get hurt. Simple as that. 

* * *

As time crawled by, though, he realized that wasn't as easy as he thought. He started caring, and it made him uneasy. 

He cared, so when they had enough, it would be double or even triple the painful blow to him. 

And honestly, it was only a matter of time. He knew that. And he knew the other first years did, too. 

After all, none of them were good at not causing problems. 

He knew for a fact that eventually, Daichi and Suga would get tired of them - of him - and stop bothering to look after them when they fought or were upset or hurt. 

Now all that was left was the wait. 

And that was more painful than knowing what awaited him when they finally did stop caring. 

* * *

He never quite managed to cut his ties. 

He still cared - he adjusted his playing, he made effort to play nice, he called the other first years out when they were upset or hurt and hiding it. 

But he snapped when they did the same for him. 

Because they shouldn't care. 

He was just a problem, why couldn't they see that?

And even worse was the fact that he could see the stress that was caused to Daichi, to Suga, when fights broke out. 

It wasn't fair to them, and it threw everything into a harsh light. 

But… they never stopped trying, never stopped caring. 

And he couldn't understand why. 

He didn't deserve their kindness, so why were they giving it to him so freely, as if it were the easiest, most natural thing in the world?


End file.
